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What Does Your Beard Say About You?

 

Facial hair is making a huuuuuge comeback! You see major stars rocking it on the red carpet and girls writing about their love of lumberjacks in their diaries. We’ve compiled the data and conferred with beardologists from all over the nation. Read on to find out what your beard says about you!

Naked Face


This “mad men-esque look screams professional. Men who rock the clean shaven look tend to be hard workers (you’d have to be to keep up with shaving off all that 5pm shadow!). The look is also popular amongst a preppy crowd, you know the type: polo shirts and dock shoes… It comes in and out of vogue, being currently overshadowed (pardon the pun) by any type of facial hair. As charming as a baby face can be, fashion today is leaning toward fuller, hairier, facial styles.

Scruffy 5 O’clock Shadow


Scruff is a very popular facial style for young men right now. The style requires minimal upkeep and can be grown in rather quickly. It is also popular amongst younger men as you don’t need to be able to grow a full beard to wear this style with pride. Magazines such as Esquire, GQ and Men’s Health all promote ads with models rocking this hairstyle with sullen pouty lips and women draped all over them. The sex appeal comes from the small amount of maintenance effort one needs to put in to rock this look. It says: I’m hip without even trying.

Mustache


Similar to the chin strap wearing fellows, a moustache man has to have a strong sense of self. This hairstyle went from being super hard-core to carrying an amusing sexual connotation which has stuck with it since the 1970’s! Although the moustache is the butt of many jokes any man bold enough to sport one of these has to be a little cocky. In recent years the moustache has come to be the poster hairstyle for the charity movement “Movember”. It is starting to clean up its reputation, but the moustache is still a bold move for many young men.

Chinstrap


This is one of the most highly criticized looks a man can wear. There is very little point to a chinstrap and it takes SO MUCH EFFORT to maintain. It is a look dubbed the “douche beard” by urban dictionary and a quick google search will see it listed on many “hair don’ts” lists. Anyone wearing this style must be able to let the comments roll off of his back and have a great sense of self esteem to not let anyone else’s opinions matter to him. It is a bold attention grabber for sure!

Goatee


This look looks amazing when very maintained, but if you’re not rocking the look with a good deal of dedication it looks like a dated mistake from the 1990’s. It is typically a look rocked by those who are more established, and that generally means older. For example my dentist has a very stylish goatee… and three kids.


Sideburns


This is one of my favorite looks. Sideburns scream a man who loves to have fun. When I think of them I think a guy who is equal parts funny man and teddy bear with mayyyyybe a hint of a stoner thrown in. Hipsters are in their glory while wearing this look as it naturally compliments any outfit with suspenders or an older style. The look is almost playful, and very very very cool. Any man with big bushy sideburns can’t mind being the center of attention and that makes him someone everyone wants to know.

Full Beard


This beard can say so much, it really depends how he wears it.(If it’s with plaid I personally prefer to hope he’s a lumberjack or mountain man or some sort.) It can also indicate scholarly aptitude (tenured professors never have to shave! Lucky ducks!) Although longer full beards also have religious associations when maintained (think of Moses or Jesus). A scruffy or poorly maintained full beard which has gotten long can make you look like a character from Duck Dynasty, so commit to grooming if this is your style of choice. The full beard look is becoming popular among men in their early 20’s again after a period of being dated and out of style.

Handlebar ‘Stache


This look screams “tough”. Most famously worn by Hulk Hogan, the look is also very popular among bikers. It proves that it looks just as fearsome and rebellious on older men as on younger ones. Owning a handlebar mustache is a large commitment however as such a shape is not achieved organically. I believe it is one of the few facial fashions to host its own social club. That’s right you heard me… the Handlebar club has been attracting members since 1947 and even has its own Facebook page. The long and the short of this look is to be prepared for tons of primping…who said a bad ass can’t be vain?

Soul Patch


This hair style became popularized in the 50’s and 60’s by beatniks and hippies. Today it speaks to a man’s individuality. Men with soul patches are often sensitive and a little bit wacky. They walk to the beat of their own drum and although they appear to be a little off beat to the rest of us… they are enjoying the journey.

 

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